On the first day of 2018, the heavens gave me the gift of life. I skidded across three highway lanes and nothing happened to me.
And then for the remaining days of 2018, the heavens gave me the space to learn how to love myself.
I didn’t keep track, but I don’t think it would be a stretch to say I’ve never spent so much time alone until this year. I did almost everything alone — eating at restaurants, finding an apartment, moving, exploring new cities, watching broadway and cleaning up a mouse I killed by foot.
I learned to take my own pictures by self-timer when I was out exploring. And then I learned to laugh at how embarrassing it can feel after the fifth take and the picture is still no good. I learned to entertain myself in a new city without access to the internet. And I learned I’m still much too attached to my phone to be really good at it.
I learned just how dangerous binge-watching Korean dramas are because they wreck the routines I have for self-care. And then I learned that some dramas like My Mister are just worth that wreckage. The characters taught me how to open up my heart so I can live a warmer life.
In 2018, I made grocery shopping exciting, driving with the windows down a habit and found romance in doing things alone.
As I was busy doing that, somewhere in there I realized how much more I love myself today compared to the years past. I don’t know how it happened but I guess being alone so much has left me with no choice.
So I’ll give you my thanks, 2018. You let me live another year and I saw so many beautiful sights, sang my heart out, cried a lot but laughed much more.
I’ll keep working to make each day fun, so 2019, please work with me on this one.